[at-l] You know you're an old hiker if.....

[GARY HEBERT]

You know you are an old hiker if…

You think "alcohol availability" means you are gonna get tanked at the next
trail town;

The words "pocket rocket" don't mean something that comes in a discreet
mailer, or a light-weight stove, but instead refers to your bottle of
Celebrex.

A critical element in campsite selection is a convenient location for the
morning constitutional.

Your response to "YMMV" is  '? ? ? ?"

You pray that "walker" is always something you are and not something you
need.

You take Viagra on your hiking trips for the sole purpose of not peeing on
your shoes.

"Solar energy" means "I'll get up when the sun hits my tent and not a
minute sooner!"

In a desperate effort to reduce weight on your back you seriously think "is
food really essential on a 5 day hike? After all, I wanted to lose 10
pounds anyway!"

The weight and performance of hiking shorts is secondary to the question of
"do they hide my big fat A?"

Your 10 essentials now include a knee brace, tiger balm, and a cigar.

Other hikers greet you along the trail with "ARE YOU OK???"

You are far more excited at the arrival of the REI catalogue then the
Victoria's Secret catalogue.

"Thru-hiking" is something you mutter to yourself on the last day of every
trip as in "I am too old for this! I am thru hiking!"

When you say "hike your own hike" you mean "I can be just as dumb and
stubborn as you are so let me do it my way in peace"

(stolen from PCT-I)
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