[at-l] Coffee?

[Carla & Dave Hicks]

You know that you drink too much coffee when:
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You answer the door before people knock.
You answer questions before you hear the question.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You shop at Building 19 for the free coffee.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You dream of being adopted by the "Maxwell House" family.
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even 
work there.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's brew.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
All your kids are named "Joe."
You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You buy milk by the barrel.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged 
in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. One- 
hundred-forty-eight more, I'll have a cup." You've worn the finish off your 
coffee table.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Your paycheck is sent directly to Starbucks.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee 
can.
You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
Your Thermos is on wheels.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You introduce your spouse as your coffee mate.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.