[at-l] Wicking Briefs From Little Wilhelm Parapacker

[David Severance]

See, Parapacker, Wilhelm W., *The Dangers of Penile Frostbite - A Personal
Memoir, *Bama Press, 1986 where LW relates his personal journey and struggle
to rejoin the parapackers after the tragic incident on Little Ball Mt:

Milo heard the forecast calling for a cold driving rainstorm and had
outfitted each parapacker with the xx-smalll *Helly Hansen Wind Briefs* he
just received from a *Campmor Special Closeout Deal*.  Nobody knew but many
suspected that little Wilhelm was stiff suffering the effects of Milo's
Mountain Thunder Fondue.   Wilhelm had been holed up in the mystery privy
for the good part of the night and was nowhere to be found in the skivvee
line.

When Milo finally shook the titanium cow bell that signaled the paraporters
were movin out poor Wilhelm was startled from a deep sleep .  Once he
realized where he was he'd already slipped backwards and fell right down
into the privy !.

*BUT WAIT !* his big parapacker feet and quick thinking saved him from a
certain future when at the very last nanosecond he spread his legs wide and
caught his camp Tevas on the rim of the privy seat.
Ooooooowwwwwweeeeeeeeeeee! that was cwose
thought the now wide- awake parapacker.

"Ehhhh ,Aaaaaa, Miwoooooh,  para budddieeeeeeees - heeeeelp !" screamed
Wilhelm.

The acoustics were amazing he would later recall.  But right then all he
could hear was the sound of Milo singing and the parapackers laughing
getting fainter and fainter as they headed up the trail. He knew he was
stuck and stuck for good unless someone rescued him.  The parapackers had
long arms but not long enough to reach up and grab the opening from the
underside.

*8:00 AM* Maybe today Milo would have them count off and soon realize
someone was missing !  Maybe today all the parapackers would miss the
mountain thunder sounds the fondue was famous for !

*11:00 AM* Wilhem was thankful it was a composting toilet made by some guy
named Clivus.

*2:00 PM*  Wilhelm dozes off gets that sense of falling. . . yikes !
Electric solar powered privy vent fan turns on, wakes Wilhelm, yikes !
Wilhelm realizes he really is falling spreads legs again.  Wilhelm still
safely suspended above sludge slurpee.of doom.(Do not ask for at the Eewin,
Dairy Queen)

*4:00 PM*  Wilhem getting thristy, Wilhelm not much of an appetite.  Getting
desperate.

To drop or not to drop.
That is the question
Whether tis nobler to suffer the smell and darkness
of a sludge of trouble or to plunge headfirst
and pray that the cleanout door will unlock from the inside ?

Thought the poor parapacker as he little voice resonated off the inside of
the privy tank and produced a pleasing, yet subtle,
vibrato effect..

*5:00 PM*  Nope, not gonna do it.  Nope, would not be the prudent thing to
do, thought W -.always the prudent parapacker.
               "Wilhem is not a dooo -woppa !"

Wilhelm starts singing .  Sings parapacker songs,sings fondue songs.

Sing wap songs.      Big composting fiberglass mystery privy begins to
vibrate again.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzz- buuuuuuuuzzzzzzzz goes the privy.

*7:00 PM* Mike and Judy, section hiking for the long weekend,  finally see
the side trail to the shelter about the same time they hear the strange
hummming sound.

What's that odd noise honey ?  I dunno, maybe that new stove -jet somethin.
   As they get within site of the shelter the noise  gets louder and they
see the new fancy composting toilet out in back.  Look, there's wher the
noise is coming from.  It must be on it's cleaning cycle, said Judy.  I
heard they 're really clean.  I just hope it stops at night so we can get
some sleep, Mike replied.

9:00 PM
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