[pct-l] Mt. Whitney After Action Report
Hiker97 at aol.com
Hiker97 at aol.com
Sun Sep 10 16:25:53 CDT 2006
I apologize for the length of this post, but I did clear it with the List
administrator. It is certainly not the post I had originally planned to
write. I strongly suggest you skip this post since it is only in PCT country and
not specific to the PCT. Thank you………….
Yes, your intrepid hero and correspondent, Switchback, has cheated death
once again. This time it is on 14,497 foot Mt. Whitney.
I start early Wednesday morning from Las Vegas and drive 115 miles north to
Beatty, NV. It advertises itself as the "Eastern Gateway to Death Valley
NP" and prostitution is legal. No, I did not stop for a last fling before
heading west into the unknown. Anyway, I do not know how to fling anymore. I did
not need to start this expedition out with an embarrassment.
The long road west toward Death Valley reminds you that you are heading
into Mother Nature at the height of her powers. Mistakes and poor planning will
not be forgiven. Crying or collapsing on the trail will not help. I have
tried that.
After Death Valley I climb westward out of Panamint Valley toward the Owens
Valley and Mt. Whitney. This is always emotional for me. My first glimmer
of the High Sierras is confusing on this route. The high mountains blend
into the sky and it is hard to tell one from another. Dramatically, the eastern
escarpment opens up to me. It is the world of John Muir, Will Colby,
Norman Clyde, Galen Clark, Snowshoe Thompson, and many other greats.
And now the upstart, Switchback the Trail Pirate, approaches the domain of
mountainmen giants. I start shrinking in size as I get closer but the range
steadily grows in stature and power. I have not been feeling as well as I
should lately, but I am game for this adventure.
As I come to Hwy. 395, I turn into the Interagency Center to get my permit
for the 11 mile hike to the top. The Lone Pine Ranger office is located
there now in the new facility. I cannot get a overnight permit for hiking today,
but for tomorrow. This puts me behind for my scheduled camp spots. I check
in at the Dow Villas Motel. I go to the Merry-Go-Round for their Continental
Pasta dinner.
I notice the Whitney Portal road snaking its way up to the Mt. Whitney
massif. It strikes me that it seems like a one way road. You can go in, but you
are not coming out. I know this is ridiculous, but I cannot shake the
thought. I am like Humphrey Bogart in the movie High Sierra to be carried out
feet first after a gun battle with a beautiful Ida Lupino grieving for me. But
this time Mt. Whitney has all the bullets and no beautiful women at the
Portal will be grieving at my demise.
Early Thursday morning before sunrise I am on the trail at 8,300 feet. I
walk through the wooden trail arches at the parking lot and head up. The
first part of the morning hike is fine, but as I get to 9,500 feet, I am starting
to struggle. My diabetic legs are failing me. I stop to go on 02 from my
bottle. Then I decide to stop at Lone Pine Lake to rest. I immediately go
to sleep for 2-hours. This is a great camp spot.
I walk slowly out to the main trail again. I think it would be wise to turn
right and head back down. I turn left and head up the trail. I eventually
get to Outpost Camp at 10,400 feet. It is a struggle and I suffer. I lay
down and camp and rest for an hour. There are lots of people on the trail,
mostly day hikers trying for the top. I see a group of older ladies with a
young man as guide take a break and then head up smoothly. The women have on
long skirts like you see in the 1900’s-1930’s pictures of Sierra Club outings.
I get up and decide to go down, but I turn left and head up.
I train about 5 times a week back home with a backpack by walking or on a
treadmill or elliptical machine. But I train with a weighted Breeze type pack.
I am now using my LuxuryLite external frame pack. It is so good at
transferring pack weight to my hips that my lower back hurts. Lesson learned: train
with the pack you are going to take on your hike. I guess losing 50 pounds
wouldn't hurt either.
There are no prayer flags or prayer wheels to spin for good luck like on the
way to Mt. Everest. Then I think maybe if I say, "Jack Daniel's" three
times while I kowtow to the mountain, I might have good luck. The mountain gods
will be appeased. I try it. Nothing changes. Stupid gods.
I get to about 11,000 feet and can go no further. My legs are gone. I
slowly turn around. I think may be if I camp overnight at Outpost Camp, I can go
up the next day. But I would only make it up to 12,000 foot Trail Camp a few
miles up the trail. This is ridiculous. I am only on a Class One accent,
but I have a Class Zero body.
As I slowly head down it starts to rain and hail. I fall down on the wet
trail and cut my leg. It starts to bleed slowly. I am safe under my busted
umbrella, which is kind of neat. Lots of hikers pass me going down as it is
getting later in the day.
I decide to give up backpacking. My old hiking buddy, Rattlesnake, is
right. It is time to hang up the hiking boots. No more Switchback the Trail
Pirate, no more SuperSecrets of Backpacking, no more harassment posts, no more
hiking buddies, no more hiker jokes, and no more ambush threats of Yo-Yo
hikers. I will degenerate into the world of bus tours, cruises, RVs, and tourist
adventures. I will be a proper senior. I can't wait. Oh, goodie. I think
about the victory phone calls I was going to make from the summit. My
depression and mood deepens.
At least I will not have to hear hikers going up and down a trail saying to
me, "Excuse us decrepit old person, may we get by?" I am tired of playing
Texas Hold'em with Mother Nature and always losing on the flop, turn or river.
The bet is always my well being.
If they would just build the road up to Outpost Camp, I might be able to
make it to the top. It would be about the same height as the Cottonwood
Pass/Lakes campground parking lot just south of here. May be I should suggest that
when I get down. Or they could make the trail wheelchair accessible for
me.
I think about my future and I decide to become an Outlaw Biker, instead of
an Outlaw Hiker. Like the rebellious super computer, Vicki, in the movie
''I, Robot'' said, "My logic cannot be denied.'' I rode Harley’s earlier in my
life. I will grow a beard and long hair. I will get my dad’s WWII German
army helmet chromed for riding. I can get some Terminator dark sunglasses
too. I will have tattoos that say, "No Blood, No Foul" and "Pain is Only
Weakness Leaving the Body". This is too cool.
I can't wait to get back to Las Vegas and buy a 2007 Harley FX Night Rider
motorcycle and customize it. I will have high buckhorn handle bars and
baloney cut exhaust pipes. I will detune the pipes to make the most noise to
harass other motorist. I will have "Switchback the Pirate" painted on both
sides of my gas tank along with skulls and cross bones.
In hiking the backpacker babes always avoided me. As an Outlaw Biker I will
have a tattooed hard belly biker chick packing behind me everywhere I go. I
am feeling better. Then I have another great idea. I will form a biker gang
called not the Hell's Angels, but the Trail Angels. We will promote
ourselves as PCT helpers, but really will sack and pillage trailtowns when least
expected. Something like the Trojan Horse scam. We will still use the Trail
Pirate motto of "Goof Off R Us". Cool.
TRAIL MAGIC: I finally get to the Portal parking lot and quickly put things
away to get down to Lone Pine to rest and recover. As I momentarily stop
before pulling out of the parking lot on to the road a female hiker is walking
toward my car. She had passed me earlier on the trail. At the same time we
say, "Need a ride?" and "Are you going down to Lone Pine?".
She gets in and I ask her trailname. She says she is Mountain Sweep and
just came in from Walker Pass. She knocked off Mt. Whitney as a side order and
came down today. I look at her and say I am Switchback. We had coordinated
our original schedules through the PCT-L to meet this Saturday at the Portal
parking lot. It is Thursday. We just sit in silence for a few moments. We
have a nice conversation on the way down to Lone Pine, but it is hard for me
to talk. I am too exhausted. I notice how I have to breathe first before
forming words. I try to smile and act nice, but that is hard for me even when
I am rested. I do not have the heart to tell her I am no longer into
hiking. Anyway, I am embarrassed, since I can tell she is a professional solo
female hiker. If I hang around her too long, she will pick up that I am a
charlatan.
I arrive in my room and lay down on the bed. I cannot get up to shower, to
eat, brush my teeth – they hurt too, but I can use the TV remote once or
twice before drifting off to sleep. Next morning at 9 AM I finally feel fine and
get up. Later, I see Mountain Sweep in the lobby and this time I have a
genuine smile and greeting. But I am still afraid of her, since she is a pro
and somewhere near my age.
It is Friday and I drive 55 miles up to Bishop, CA to the Schat’s Bakery.
My wife likes the rolls and cookies from there, so it is time for bakery run.
Unfortunately, I cannot eat hardly anything from there, but I really like
the place. I have to get some hummingbird items for her too as I do on all my
expeditions. Eventually, I will find a hummingbird decorated cutting board
and T-shirt.
As I drive up the road to Bishop, I take special note of the motorcycles. I
imagine my new life style ---Switchback the Biker Pirate, scourge of the
western byways. I arrive in Bishop and first head to Jack's Restaurant for
breakfast. The home of the biggest drink straws I have ever seen in a sit down
restaurant. This is a local and fisherman's hangout. There is a T-shirt for
sale on the wall facing me that says, "It is not how deep the water is, but
how you wiggle your worm." I start to get up and leave in protest, but see my
breakfast coming. I decide not to make a scene. I also see a sign
advertising Dr. BombButts saddle sore salve. I think that I might ask the server
about where I can go to get some of the salve. It might good like Bag Balm is
for the feet. Then I think may be she will just tell me where to go and drop
the idea.
I arrive at the bakery and buy a load of goodies and then sit down at a
table in the busy bakery to relax. As I am sitting there, I decide I have must
have a defective gene and need professional help, because I think about my
previous Mt. Whitney expedition. I only made it to the parking lot. This time
I made it to 11,000 feet on the actual trail. If I extrapolate that
improvement, then soon I should be able to climb 20,320 foot Mt. McKinley and 29,035
foot Mt. Everest with no problems. Also, I have the historic 1.8 mile PCT
Warner Springs loop expedition hike planned. I think about my meticulous
planning for this excursion in early November.
This part of the PCT trail is probably the least used and known. I was
going to convince my leadership type wife to break trail for me without her
knowing it. I will tell her that she can get better bird photographs if she is
quietly out front. I will be about 50 yards behind to make my escape if any
mountain lions, rattlesnakes, red ants, or missing link predators show up. At
the end of the hike I will be interviewed about this historic trek and take
credit for the adventure. I will be mentioned in all future PCT literature
for this first. No one will be the wiser to what really happened.
Suddenly, I have the impulse to get up from the bakery shop table and go
down the street to Wilsons Sports to see if there is anything that will lighten
my pack. While I am there I buy a T-shirt that says, "Life is Simple--- Eat.
Sleep. Hike." Then I go to the Inyo Register office to renew my yearly
subscription, so I can keep up on eastern Sierra outdoor happenings. I walk into
the newspaper atmosphere office and sit in front of a desk marked
"Subscriptions". A very proper older lady asks for my name. I say, "Switchback".
She says no that she needs my full name. I say, "Switchback the Trail
Pirate". She stares at me and eventually says, "We'll just use Switchback". I
say, "Cool".
Early on Saturday morning I drive back home from the Dow Villas Motel in
Lone Pine. Once again I pass through the temptations of Beatty. I think
fondly of what could have been on Mt. Whitney. I could have stopped at the
Exchange Club or the Burrito Inn here. Better yet would have been the Sourdough
Saloon across the street. I imagine I am buying drinks near a barroom spittoon
and loudly recalling my exploits on Mt. Whitney. Colorful women are all
around me fascinated by my every word. I fantasize about a beautiful woman
furiously pounding on my hotel room door in the middle of the night. Eventually,
I have to get up and let her out.
My arrival home is exciting with my Jack Russell, Max --- the worlds most
spoiled terrier. He now has another victim to take advantage of. My wife is
glad to see her Infiniti and me back in good shape. All in all, I had a
great time. I usually make the best of things. You have to if you are a hard
core backpacker like me. :-)
I immediately start planning my new lighter pack system and thinking about a
return engagement at Mt. Whitney.
Thank you for your attention and patience.
Switchback the Trail Pirate
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