[pct-l] PCTA Trail Fest Speaker Invitation

[Hiker97 at aol.com]

All this talk about the upcoming  PCTA event got me thinking......again.  I 
am now publicly volunteering to be on the  program at the 2008 Trail Fest if it 
is at the Mission Inn in Riverside,  CA.  I want to be in Gallery Room again 
like the last time.
 
The topic of my talk will be, "How  to have maximum Goof Off on your PCT hike 
and other fun hiking things to  do."
 
Marketing hype: "Learn from the  Trail Pirate, Switchback, the first person 
to declare for the PCT  Yo-Yo-Yo.  Learn from the inventor of SuperSecrets of 
Backpacking the trail  tricks you need to know for a quality hike."
 
Just a short list of presentation topics:
-- How to maximize your trail angel encounter.
-- Where are the best trailtown saloons and what to do.
-- How to get your trail partner to carry more community gear than you  do.
-- Secrets on how to enhance  your spittoon spitting techniques.
-- How to win the Pancake  Challenge.
-- How to sleep with your gear when  taking a Zero Day.
-- How to find a gourmet cook trail  partner.
-- How to bust the chops of other  hikers with your lighter gear.
-- Slack packing when no one is  around.
-- How to set hiking records  without setting them.
-- Terminator female leadership  types' defenses and countermeasures.
-- How to talk and look like a  backpacker without hiking.
-- Arm chair hiking techniques and  procedures.
-- Mojave Red beer and other fine  drinks for the trail.
-- How to out gear a gear  gizmo.
-- Picking a cool  trailname.
-- How to harass hikers on the  PCT-L.
-- How to get your name mentioned  at thru hiker's campfire chats.
-- Trail ambushes and other  resupply techniques.
-- Trailtown pillaging and sacking  etiquette.
-- Dehydrated water and zero weight  gear.
-- How to auction off your trail  partners for fun and profit.
Etc., etc., etc.
 
I think this will be a very popular  PowerPoint program with a standing room 
only attendance.  In fact, I think  it will be the most popular program ever 
offered at Trail Fest.
 
Thank you for your attention and  participation at the 2008 PCTA Trail Fest.
 
Switchback, the Guest Speaker