[pct-l] thus behaving badly

[Jeffrey Olson]

I've been avoiding becoming part of this thread because it is so close 
to the heart of my professional and personal interests.  I'm 55 years 
old.  I went to work for Oglala Lakota College (OLC) in 2005 to start a 
social work program/degree.  For those of you in academia, you know how 
rare it is for one person to be able start a whole 
department/curriculum/program. 


I'm all about going as far upstream as possible to deal with social 
problems.  My focus is prevention and wellness promotion.  When you move 
upstream in your perspective, you no longer look at individuals for 
data.  Data comes from surveys, from archival sources.  Decisions about 
what to do are made on the basis of individual cases aggregated into 
wholes that you hope are generalizable back to the population from which 
the data was gathered. 


When you go upstream you start working in the realm of norms and causes 
and really slow paces of change.  Most people aren't willing - or 
perhaps able - to discipline themselves to slow down and become wise.  
Most of us that actually achieve an historical perspective beyond our 
own lives do so from the weight of personal experience - we learn to 
recognize patterns.  There are many people who do so from their 
educations - you don't need to be 60 years old to "understand" how 
things work. 


Behaving badly is something we all do...  Think about it.  Think about 
the vitriol within this thread.  We all hurt and deal with it by 
inflicting it on others.  All and each of us... 


One of the things you younger persons will learn when you head out on 
the trail by yourself for any length of time is how hard it is to be by 
yourself.  Older persons, if they develop perspective, have learned this 
from years being alive.  You younger people are heading out with no idea 
what you're going to encounter.  You think that the hurdles will be 
physical.  That may be, but overall, the hurdles are all 
emotional/mental.  Many older persons will too - I don't mean to 
bifurcate...


What's hard, is dealing with the suddenly freed emotions.  No longer is 
there a social world within which you find standards for feeling and 
behaving.  What is and isn't acceptable is a fond remembrance, one that 
sometimes becomes longed for.  What's real is the ongoing, never-ending, 
so, so present pain... 


Freed emotions equals emotional pain.  I couldn't deal with the pain on 
the three or four long section hikes I've taken.  I had to leave the 
trail, and cut off the opportunity the pain presented me.  I wasn't up 
to dealing with it.  I wasn't up to hiking alone, day after day after day. 


So what is this leading to?  Thru-hiking offers the possibility to feel 
compassion for oneself.  Plain and simple.  Most people who hike alone - 
read their journals - either don't get there, or can't handle the 
responsibility.  The emotional pain is too intense.  In 2010  or 2011 
I'll be advertising for a like-minded 55 - 60 year old woman to hike the 
CDT with me.  My best experience on a long hike was with someone I loved 
and cared for deeply...  I never want to hike for more than a couple 
weeks alone again. 


What does it mean to feel compassion for oneself??  The effects of this 
is the inability to judge another person by their actions.  How can you 
judge someone else when you are unable to judge yourself - that "I" have 
to accept I am weak, needy, hurting, and more deeply, driven by an 
intense pattern of being-dissatisfied with my life?" 


There is simply an inability to do something that is so normal most 
people don't think about it.  This is the wisdom gained from 
long-distance hiking...  I have learned from hiking that when I judge 
the actions of another, I am hurting and not dealing with it very 
well...  Plain and simple...


When I was hiking in 2005 I was told that the trail angels in Etna were 
disgusted with hikers because of their bad behavior.  No more hikers.  
No more deals.  No more welcomes.  Luckily, the immediacy of having good 
intentions taken advantage of washed over and the deeper, more 
meaningful intentions re-emerged.  A few jerks don't screw it up for the 
rest of us.  Trail angels who adopt the role year after year have to go 
through a maturation process just like us on the trail.  There will 
always be the narcissistic, blind, "i'm the center of the universe" 
person to deal with...  The threads of the last day offering ways to 
give back what was given obviate the damage done by little people/minds 
- those who hurt so intensely their worlds are tiny, tiny, 
tiny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'll end this with an entreaty to feel compassion for the hiker who 
feels so much pain they inflict it on others.  We all have done it, in 
our own ways.  Grow into a bigger world and work to help others do the 
same.  What else is there??????


Jeff, just Jeff (said to the rhythm of "Bond, James Bond.")