[pct-l] Trail Times News

[Glen Winters]

True and accurate trail reporting, brought to you by Argentina and his side kick Real Old.

Sirens
April 4, 2010

Warning all you northbounders Trail Pirate activity at an all time high in section A. The initial attacks began a few miles out of Lake Morena. I (Argentina) first encountered the 3 sexy Sirens getting out of a Toyota pruis. This appeared to be a trap set by the nototroius Switchback. They proceded to walk north up into Kitchen creek while mainting a friendly banter. It became obvious they were attempting to waylay this hiker when I received a hug. Switchback your plan failed as I was able to outwalk these 3 beautiful apparitions.

Magic Finger Campsite, just South of Mt. laguna
April 5, 2010

We Were awakened 4 times through the night by Some Advanced Liquid Metal Female Terminator Types as they shook the ground to provide hikers with much needed massaging action. We have been unable to determine their nefarious plans, but are sure it involves some sort of evil campaign against Trail Pirates.  

Hanging Loose
April 7, 2010

Stopped at 3rd gate cache to top up and met fellow hikers Kegger and Jellyroll. These two mountains of flesh were part of a group of hikers promoting the organization COOO. (Clothing Optonal Obese Outdoorsman) see www.coo.net for more details and memjbership info.

Reinhardt's Toads of terror.
3:00 A.M. April 8, 2010

Once again our journey was nearly derailed by Reinhardt's trained toads. At 3:00 AM this morning a toad tried to infect my face with masive warts, he hopped quietly up to my pillow and attampted to snuggle up to my face. Being the well trained outdoorsman of great renown, I, Argentina, of course sleep light and woke as this specimen of evil hoped on to my Tyvek ground sheet. Unbeknownst to Reinhardt, Toads are easily scared away by your standard hiker headlamp and some slight prodding.

COMICS

Trail Dude
By Argentina

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Ring ring.
(Imagine drawing here)
----------------------------------Trail Dude: Trail Dudes suicide prevention hotline, how may I help you?
Pour SOB: Trail dude I havn't been able to leave my house this whole week. Between chips and beer and TV there just doesnt seem to be anything else to life. I'm ready to jump of a bridge.
(Imagine drawing here)
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Trail Dude: No worries mate, Take a hike.
Click
(Imagine drawing here)
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Trail Dudes thoughts: Another life saved, job well done.
(Imagine drawing here)
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Stay tuned for future editions.
Argentina and Real Old reporting live events as they happen.
Also broadcasting on the astral plane in the colors of dayglo orange, baby blue, and pink.