[pct-l] Proposed kick-off procedure

[Diane Soini of Santa Barbara Hikes]

Somewhere in the procedure you need to be issued a pink bandana and a  
donut and then you have to be funneled over to Dicentra who will  
bestow upon you the sacred packet of coconut cream powder.

On Mar 1, 2011, at 8:35 PM, pct-l-request at backcountry.net wrote:
>
> Dear ADZPCTKO Organizers:
>
> There are many wonderful activities that will take place at this
> year's upcoming kick-off. You provide a great service to the PCT
> hiking community. I have a couple of ideas for event efficiency. I
> propose a format whereby there be a roped assembly line area where the
> clientele (hikers, friends and families, wannabees, used to be's,
> never were's, and innocent by-standers who were in the wrong place at
> the wrong time) can be processed quickly and efficiently. This will
> eliminate useless wandering around and endless, long-winded
> conversations between participants, much of which is not true anyway.
>
> 1) Participants enter the park and are directed by Meadow Ed and his
> followers to the Input Processing Area where they are identified. Name
> tag and tent space number are stapled to chest.
> 2) You are escorted into the roped path for the following non-optional
> procedures.
> 3) PCTA Booth: PCTA personnel inspect your thru permit (if
> applicable), weigh you on a scale, take your vital signs, ask your
> hiking history, run a background check, and adjust the ending point of
> your hike. Do not be surprised if they stop your permit at Scissors
> X-ing. Free service.
> 4) Pirate's Lair: Switchback spray paints your tent stakes fluorescent
> orange. If you have no stakes he will paint other equipment as he
> deems appropriate. You must listen to one of his jokes. Free service.
> 5) Muir House: Shroomer smears Muir dirt onto your pack and face,
> places a piece of Muir pear in your hydration holster or pocket, and
> sprinkles you with blessed Muir wine while reciting sacred Muir
> musings. $20 Muir surcharge. $15 if Sierra Clubber.
> 6) Feed Lot: Head chef places bean burrito in your left hand. Sous
> Chef places unidentified beverage in your right hand. Start eating.
> 7) Counseling Area: You enter a portable confessional booth (looks
> suspiciously like a porta-john) where Father Yoshi questions you for
> two minutes and tells you what is wrong with you. $125 + tip.
> 8) Commercial Zone: You stream past past various outfitters, who take
> your orders for new equipment, replacing much of the the (heavier) new
> equipment in your pack that you just spent $1,800 on.
> 9) Restroom Facilities: You enter a long portable toilet for mandatory
> usage as per Park Authorities who are tired of smelly dead grass near
> the (usually male) tent sites. Park Rangers are strategically located
> inside to assist. Upon exit, free Gatorade/urine bottles available for
> $5 deposit.
> 10) You are released to your designated tent space.
>
> Now, this list is just a starting point for further discussion, I
> haven't even edited it, I just pushed "send". Please add additional
> services that will be provided, and/or re-format the assembly line as
> needed. You're the organizers. No need to thank me, I'm just happy to
> help out. (If you're not pleased for some reason, please contact me
> off-list.)
>
> Jim
> Somerset CA