[pct-l] Murphy's Laws of Backpacking

[Bob Bankhead]

Let's have some fun since we can't be out on the PCT right now. (It's
pouring rain here in Portland and snowing like mad down to pass levels (2000
feet):

 

Bored out of our minds one day waaaaay back in 2003, Brawny and I came up
with a series of Murphyisms surrounding our favorite pastime. Please feel
free to add your own.



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(1) "Need is directly impacted by Scarcity.
(in other words, the more scarce it is, the more you need it)
and its natural corollary: If you bring a gob, you won't need it.

(2) Record cold will follow if you send home winter gear.
which correlates to: Record heat will follow if you decide to keep your
winter gear 
another week.

(3) Pretending you don't hear (or just plain ignoring) a Park Ranger that 
is using his/her loudspeaker can get your butt thrown out of 
Yellowstone National Park.

(4) No matter how light you think your gear is, Brawny has just designed 
something infinitely lighter and more functional, and she will make a 
small fortune off it too.

(5) Leaving your ice axe and crampons at home in order to save weight is 
the surest way to get a mid-August snow storm in the high Sierras.

(6) Observing National Hike Naked Day assures one of meeting a lost, 
frustrated TV camera crew at a remote road crossing. They will be 
facing a deadline and have so far found nothing of interest to 
photograph.

Corollary: At least three of your blabber-mouthed friends will see 
the pictures of you on the 6 o'clock news. At least one will call the 
station to ID you.



"Bob - I love your backpacking Murphy's How about some food Murphy's?"
Brawny



FOOD MURPHY'S? Hmmmm...........OK

1. The dehydrated dinner you prepared after a long 25 mile day on the 
trail will not look or taste anything like what the packaging 
described and will be inedible - even by a hungry hiker.

2. Only after irretrievably throwing your inedible dinner away will 
you discover that your pack is now devoid of food and it is still 34 
miles to your re-supply point. 

COROLLARY: 26 of those 34 miles will be up-hill


3. Sadly, there is no such thing as dehydrated water. You still have 
to carry those eight liters at 2 pounds each on your desert trek.

4. The sugar you just stirred into the group's evening tea turns out 
to be tooth powder or baking soda. While trying to avoid the rocks 
and insults hurled in your direction, you make a mental note to 
properly label everything before loading your pack.

5. The watched pot never boils. The unwatched pot carbonizes its 
contents solidly to the bottom in the blink of an eye.

6. In your haste to get to the trail, you neglect to test-fire your 
stove. Only AFTER your support vehicle leaves and you begin to 
prepare dinner do you discover that one of the fuel connections leaks 
under pressure. Unfortunately, you have already lit the match. 

COROLLARY 1: In your rabid pursuit of ultralite Nirvana, you left 
the special wrench needed to tighten said connection at home. 

COROLLARY 2: You learn to love slightly crunchy, cold re-hydrated 
food over the next 125 miles.

7. The packaging called the dinner "spicy". Out on the trail you 
discover that the manufacturer has discovered a process to dehydrate 
molten lava.

COROLLARY: You have three more of these dinners in your food bag.

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